Let’s get one thing straight: The relationship you thought you had with the narcissist? It wasn’t real. Not even close.
I’m not just talking about their past, their trail of broken relationships, or even how they grew up. I’m talking about everything. From how they manage their money to how the breakup ended, their schooling, and even that random conversation they had with a stranger on the bus. Every. Single. Thing.
This didn’t start when you met them. This has been a lifelong journey for them. A journey of recognizing two key things as they got older:
- Attention and validation are their main source of nourishment.
While you were over here wanting love, communication, and respect, they were figuring out how to keep someone around to feed their endless need for validation. The lies they told, the victimhood stories they spun, the drama they created. It was all just a way to keep themselves nourished. They didn’t want a partner; they wanted a supply.
- Lying is the easiest way to get what they want.
While you were dreaming of love, affection, and a healthy relationship or marriage, they were busy crafting a facade. They didn’t want what you wanted. They wanted control, power, and the ability to manipulate you into giving them what they needed. And lying? That was their go-to tool.
See, it’s coded into a narcissist’s DNA to keep things chaotic. Their charisma, their ability to be different, their refusal to delve into the details is all part of the act. They thrive on keeping things “interesting.”
Ever wonder why they smirked during arguments? Why they seemed to start fights out of thin air? Why the dysfunction in your relationship was rampant, even after you had a good day together? It’s because calm, stable, and communicative relationships are their kryptonite. When things are too good, too peaceful, too real? Their natural defense mechanism kicks in. They revert back to chaos because that’s their sense of safety.
It’s why they can’t sit still. Why they can’t stay loyal. Why they need constant stimulation and can’t just sit their ass down somewhere and be content. Real feelings, real accountability, and real work? That’s not what they signed up for. So, of course, they lied. Of course, they hid the truth. Because loyalty? That’s not in their vocabulary.
They expected you to do all the things nobody else would. They expected you to keep loving them through the lies, to keep supporting them through their chaotic behavior, their gaslighting, and their manipulative tactics. They expected you to feel bad for questioning their intentions, for daring to hold them accountable.
But here’s the truth: No matter how long you were together, you never really knew them. You had breadcrumbs of information, sure. But at their core? All those stories they told you were false. All the details you thought you knew were just surface-level nonsense.
They lied about changing. They lied about loving you. They lied about trying harder, staying committed, and being there for you in your worst moments. They lied about everything.
So, what do you do with that information? You accept it. You embrace it. And you let it be the catalyst that propels you forward. The person you thought you knew? They never existed. What you knew was a fabrication, and a carefully crafted facade designed to keep you hooked. And the sooner you realize that, the sooner you can start healing.
This isn’t about them anymore. This is about you. It’s about recognizing that you deserve so much more than lies and manipulation. It’s about understanding that the love you thought you had was never real, and that’s not a reflection of your worth.
You didn’t lose a genuine connection because there was never one to begin with. What you lost was an illusion. And now you have the opportunity to rebuild your life on a foundation of truth, self-respect, and real love. So, take that power back. Block, delete, and move forward. Not because you’re bitter, but because you’re done settling for less than you deserve and want better.
You didn’t know them. You only knew the lie they wanted you to believe. And now? You’re free to create a life that’s authentic, fulfilling, and completely your own.
Stay Inspired,
Weav
Marcus Weaver,
Weav Told Me LLC.
Monday March 17th, 2025