A mentor used to tell me that silence soothes shattered souls. But you know what else u realize about silence later? That after a devastating breakup or divorce, the heartbreak you’re dealing with isn’t something you want to face right away. It becomes even more difficult to try and discuss it to your loved ones as well. Breakups become all-consuming, don’t they? We get so displaced in our own grief, so angry, do so much bargaining. It makes it almost impossible to NOT carry so much resentment.

And that applies not just for your ex, but for why u have to be the one who is dealing with this painful experience. Meanwhile they are seemingly unbothered. And right after? We have so much to say, so many thoughts, opinions, emotions. You want so badly to yell from the mountaintops about your feelings and to express them, but you know what u fail to realize? That everything u think u have to say, every draft saved in your phone, and every anticipatory response u think u would say if your ex ever reached out? You already did say, you already did show, and every ounce of love u wanted to give? You already more than tried to give.

And exactly did that whole situation wind up playing out? The real interesting thing about experiencing heartbreak is no matter how many smiles u put on your face in front of your friends, family, and coworkers you are distraught. You are the only one who has to deal with those ruminating thoughts, those nights where you’re bothered, not hungry, can’t sleep, cry, and feel over the top emotional. That also winds up being when you get the most disappointed wondering why no contact after the breakup seems so difficult. Why the hell you can’t just be over this entire situation already?

The answer? Is because there is a level of accountability, we have yet to take for ourselves. While it might just be easy for your ex to move into a new rebound relationship, you aren’t built that way. You know that from everything you have experienced that you need time to “make sense” of the relationship and the hell that ensued. But found deep within your pain there is a next level to going and staying yo’ ass no contact.

The Belief In No Contact

No contact is exactly where the power of our silence comes into play. Far too often we don’t sit with our feelings, and we think some temporary move of going out with friends, working longer hours, cleaning up/reorganizing, or going back to the gym will suffice for dealing with you “getting back right”. But I already don’t need to tell you that that is not how this shit works, right? See, there is no rush in healing, right? Or at least it shouldn’t be. You first need to start learning how to set the proper boundaries in your personal and intimate relationships, raising your expectations, and in seeking solace in your solitude.

Of course, you will have your moments of weakness, where you feel like you don’t deserve to be feeling the way you do. But in those random moments you need to allow in the emotions in the moment. You need to let them be exactly what they are, moments! If u can do that? You can then start answering the questions on why u stayed so long, why u allowed your ex to disrespect you, and why you haven’t addressed your own abandonment issues. This will help answer why you keep welcoming toxic people in your life, and why you possibly keep putting up with their disrespect.

You are human! You are someone who is vulnerable, empathetic, caring, and gives a shit about others. So much so? That u wanted to hold onto a relationship that was no longer serving a positive or productive purpose in your life. The reality is you KNOW you deserve better than that, don’t you? You know you deserve not to try and distract yourself from the reality of this whole experience. And if you don’t heal the parts of u that are still hurting, you will continue to live in this angry and resentful phase of your life. That wouldn’t be fair to you, and it would likely cause you to bleed the pain of your hurting heart on someone who didn’t cut you. One day a time, right?