It becomes difficult to embrace it right? Because we take so much pride in who we are, what we’ve accomplished, and how successful we are. Not u, this smart, educated, career driven, independent, great friend, family member and parent. After all you’ve endured in your life to be bamboozled by a whole fraud relationship. And consider the depths a narcissistic relationship goes. Think about the lengths we go to, in order to keep things under wraps, to not let friends and family know the whole truth about what we are experiencing.

 

Think about the sense of loyalty we have to someone who manipulates, gaslights, shames, belittles, and treats you like you’re a nuisance in their lives behind the scenes. But in public? They seem to put on a whole show like this wonderful partner you have never known them to be. Nobody in public, or your close inner circle sometimes even have a clue. That’s shame within itself ain’t it? And you know what makes it worse? The fact that it’s a lonely place to be as well. You are basically in a relationship, while also feeling the most alone you have ever been in your life.

 

There seems to be no room to express and be your authentic self. There is no room to give good or bad news for fear of the “repercussions” you may experience. Does that sound healthy? Does that sound like a loving environment you deserve to be in? You know that old saying? Whenever you get to the point where you start feeling like you deserve better? Yeah that! We have now made it to the threshold where those feelings you want badly to become a reality.

 

And remember what we talked about earlier? We think we should be smarter, wiser, and more in the know about what we are experiencing? But how could you know if you never experienced it? And thus? We continue to blame ourselves for not realizing that the person we love was actually gaming us the whole time. Here you were granting grace to someone who put you at the bottom in their list of priorities. Quite conversely to the person we met in the beginning, and now a façade of a “relationship” that doesn’t even exist.

 

Now You’re Conflicted

What becomes abundantly clear later on in the relationship, is that now we feel trapped. How the hell do you escape from a place that is chaos in one moment? But also get rid of the emotion of feeling like they have “potential” to be better in the next? Welp, that’s just the thing about trauma bonds. We want affection, love and understanding? From the very person who is abusing us. And hell yeah, what you experienced was abuse; whether emotional or physical? You were used, taken advantage of, and made out to feel crazy? When all you wanted from the narcissist was love.

 

Now consider that, how insidious someone must be? To constantly blame u for things you have nothing to do with, and who constantly tells u they never said something. When the truth is you clearly heard them say it minutes ago. That’s not love, is it? So, when u get out and feel confident enough to be able to share your story? Not only is there a level of embarrassment, but also guilt that all those that love u and have your best interest at heart aren’t in the loop.

 

Those are the very people that would have told u to run for the damn hills. And we shut them out, because we were living in dysfunction. But we don’t know what we don’t know, right? You deserve the same forgiveness, grace, love, and understanding that you so freely gave to your narcissist ex does, don’t you? Look at all you endured, look at all u gave. That means something doesn’t it? So sure, you can live in regret about it, question it daily, and wonder why didn’t leave and see it sooner. Or you can start focusing on giving you the love, attention, care, and patience necessary to heal, grow and peacefully move on with your life. One day at a time, right?

 

Stay Inspired,

Weav

Marcus Weaver,

Weav Told Me LLC.

Thursday July 18th, 2024