One of my favorite quotes about life and relationships is, sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.
I want u to consider something. In relationships and marriages we have this perception of how grandiose, loving, and magical things are in the beginning. But when a dose of reality hits later on in the relationship we become so lost, lost by our expectations, by our pictures of what we paint on what the relationship used to be, but? And this is a big ass but, our relationships evolve right? They allow us the space to grow, and sometimes? Just sometimes? That growth unfortunately is not always linear, and after the breakup neither is the healing.
But we do learn something from it. We learn that not everybody can come with us on our journey to betterment. And a lot of times it’s not because we don’t want them to. It’s mainly due to the fact that they didn’t value you, love you unconditionally. We eventually make it to a place in life where we realize that the amount of effort you are putting in? The amount of energy it taking to try and “make things work”, to get through the conflicts, to communicate effectively with a partner or spouse falls on deaf ears. When you are in a relationship with someone who I not willing to meet u in the mud and isn’t allowing u to grow? It leaves you thinking you are not valued. It also damn sure doesn’t feel like you’re loved right? So, letting go? After you put in so much blood sweat and tears in that relationship feels damn near impossible to accept.
We have such grand expectations and plans when we engage in a relationship, which makes it difficult to separate what a partner is actually able to provide us with. See, everybody doesn’t love, care, have empathy, and want to do the actual work a relationship requires. And you know what work I’m talking about right? The type of work that can communicate when needs aren’t met, can talk to you even when they’re upset, and who cares when they hurt your feelings. How refreshing is it when you have someone with enough emotional maturity and intelligence to understand? Nothing like having people love you, even in the moments when it’s hard to even like yo’ ass ain’t it?
Healing & Going No Contact
You want to know what hinders your ability to heal? When in the process of coming to acceptance you have a close friend or family member who tells you to just “get over it” or “let it go.” Like even if your ex treated you terribly on their way out the door, you still have that emotional attachment, and that shit ain’t as easy as turning your emotions off and on like a light switch. So, how about nah? Because your ability to heal, like actively heal at your own pace? Is likely going to require a little isolation. And not because the people in your corner don’t love you or want what’s best for you. It’s just that sometimes you need isolation in order to properly let go. While your silence might feel like a prison in the moment? It is actually a blessing in disguise.
Staying no contact and living with the pain u feel isn’t for the weak. The more opportunity you have to sit, like literally sit and allow yourself to do some self-reflection, it will create a synergy within in yourself. It allows you to properly digest the pill you may not want to swallow. It’s exactly what you need which is he pill of acceptance and self-awareness. And did you ever think that maybe, just maybe? Your ex didn’t truly value as much as you thought?
That’s hard to process right? Because we want to hang on to great moments, happy times, but u also gotta’ hold on to the disrespect in how they walked out on you when u were at your worse. They were supposed to be here to support u, talk to u, and this was a decision THEY made? Now you are the one who will need to deal with it. So, deal with it! Put you first and consider your future, your healing, your pain, and your path forward. While you are doing that make sure that you show yourself compassion, because you deserve it after all you’ve been through right? This is just a chapter in your life.
You still have so many more chapters to write, so many more levels u ain’t even made it to yet. So, get back up, put on your hard hat, get to working on u and remember who the fuck you are! You got this right?
Weav Told Me LLC.
Friday September 8th, 2023