As u get further and further away from the relationship you will hopefully come to realize that none of what transpired before and during the breakup, was ever a coincidence.
And sometimes in relationships some men and women are just great at conditioning u to believe that the blame of what happened, the meanness, the cold nature they show, the withdrawing from u intimately is a normal occurrence. Or that the hanging out with new friends you never heard of, disappearing and ghosting u for days at a time, or the levels of deceit in how secretive they are, is somehow your fault? But the truth is, you were dealing with a whole ass fraud of an individual.
See early on in the relationship there are always red flags, especially if you’re dealing with someone who just got out of a relationship. Someone who seems to consistently be on dating apps even after settling down with u, who gets random ass messages from other men and women constantly, yet talking about how committed they are to u? But see love and attraction keep us stuck in this non ideal situation because of someone’s “potential”.
The saddest part? Is the time we invest, all of the years, the promises, the kids, the career changes, the sharing of finances, and the emotional support u gave, only for it to not be worth a damn? Which in turn puts you back on the market becoming single again, is devastating (to say the least). But as the great American philosopher J. Cole once said, “there’s beauty in the struggle.” And this struggle? Hopefully helps u come to just one conclusion, that your ex was planning their escape since the beginning of the relationship.
See how u get em’, is usually how u lose em’. So, do you remember all that inconsistency they showed you? How they never took accountability? Never apologized, sacrificed, worked on communicating with u better? That wasn’t by accident. It was by design! Some people lack the emotional maturity and intelligence to even connect with us at a core level, let alone be able to make sounds decisions, stay loyal, and honor a commitment they make to someone. So after? There is unfortunately a feeling of shame and guilt on your side, while it truly is not your burden to carry.
While you still may feel like you could have or should have done more, or that maybe they just didn’t understand the circumstances they placed you in? That couldn’t be further from the truth. They understood perfectly, but your agendas were different. While you were looking for love, understanding, dedication, empathy, and effort? They were looking for someone they could emotionally and financially lean on. At least until the new supply was ready to take your place. Remember? “How u get em’, right?
They never healed from previous relationships before you. When we deal with individuals who are not interested in fixing themselves, we can start taking on a “fixer” mentality, where we believe the love, stability, and structure we can provide will make them change. Until we find out there isn’t enough love in the world to make someone want to heal the parts of themselves, they have buried deeper than an Egyptian king. You ex working on their self-love, maturity, or how they treat other people was the furthest thing from their mind.
You were the emotional and spiritual stability in that relationship, and there is no amount of love you were willing to give that would suffice for what they lacked. The growth we go through when we begin accepting our own worth is astounding. Not to add, when we begin processing the disrespect that’s found in this sort of behavior your ex exhibited by not being dedicated or loyal. It should bring u to 2 conclusions, 1 Is that you clearly didn’t know or recognize who they were in the end. But more importantly number 2? If they are willing to throw you out like trash on a Tuesday morning? They never truly deserved the access to your energy in the first fucking place.
Stay Inspired,
Weav
Marcus Weaver,
Weav Told Me LLC.
Sunday March 17, 2024